One of the best pieces of advice that my father has ever said to me is: ” People change when they are sick and tired of being sick and tired.”
I heard this being said to me for years and it would just go through one ear and out the other because I never knew what that felt like. People talk about rock bottom but I’ve hit it in the past and still continued doing the same things I was doing. I now know what he’s talking about. After getting my heartbroken for the umpteenth time and realizing that my 21st birthday is quickly approaching yet I don’t have anyone in my mind that I would celebrate this day with, I knew I was sick and tired of feeling this way.
The way I had been living my life wasn’t working for me anymore. I took a step back and assessed the damage that I had caused. I had managed to all but alienate myself from friendships, terrified of socializing (as a consequence to the no friends situation), forgetting to take my vitamins therefore I was in poor health, and valued having a romantic relationship rather than my own family (or health for that matter). The only things I had to show for it were good grades but was it really worth? Sure, my alienation produced good things like the fact that I feel like I know myself better than most and I motivated myself to get the internship of a lifetime (plus the good grades aren’t that bad), but what I had managed to succeed in in my school and work life, I had completely failed in my social life.
When I realized that I was sitting at home again watching people on Facebook and Snapchat having a ton of fun on the weekend and I was sitting in my bed all day, I had had enough. I was going to change my life around and that’s what I’ve been doing. It’s been a slow process and every little step counts but I honestly feel better. I started taking vitamins regularly, have started caring about making meaningful friendships first (before looking into a relationship), and even though it’s another weekend where I’m home watching people have fun I know that I am closer now than I was last month to living the life I know I deserve. I deserve to have good friends and to have fun. I’ve worked hard enough and I’m sick and tired of feeling lonely when there are potential friends around me all the time. The new school year hasn’t started yet but I’m going to make it a goal to make new friends (and actually care about them). It’s going to be conscious at first but after awhile it will become natural (and hopefully I’ll get over my fear of rejection).
Nothing worth having is easy. Happiness is worth having and it may not come easily or as quickly as I’d like but I know it’s going to happen for me. It’s already started, now it’s time to ignite this spark!