Overcast Summer Days

I am very in tune with the weather. I am one of those people who’s mood is affected by the weather. The effects are never immediate but consistent days do take their course on me. Rainy days make me depressed, sunny days make me happy, cloudy days make me nostalgic; however, overcast days are the outlier in my equation.

There are two kinds of overcast, cold days and warm days. Now the cold ones are grouped together with the cloudy day category, but the hot days are their own unique day. They are rare days, I maybe experience them a handful of times a year but every time they occur they stand out in my mind. Today is an overcast hot day.

What experience during this time can only be described as surreal. My perception of time is warped to where I feel time has slowed down. It is currently 8 pm and I feel like I have lived through this hour multiple times today. Normally in the day you can tell what time it is without a clock but with overcast every hour is the same. Suddenly time loses it’s purpose and morning, afternoon, and late afternoon are lumped together. The only time you notice a change in your day is when night arrives cause at least you have some grasp of what time it is. Seeing a numerical value put to the time of day just puts into emphasis how time is a social construction. But playing along with the concept of time I would have to say that an overcast summer day feels like a 2pm on a Wednesday.

As for how it affects my personality, well I get bored. When I get bored I think, a lot and deeply. I do not hide the fact that I think into my relationships too much and I will overanalyze every element until every action has essentially lost meaning and I am forced to ask philosophical questions like: “What does a lack of eye contact mean?” The only thing that stops this from happening on a regular basis is the fact that I am too busy to think that deeply, I am constantly doing something to change my thoughts. But with boredom added into the equation (and the occasional procrastination stress) i create the perfect atmosphere for me to psycho-analyze every minute detail with every interaction I’ve ever had with someone to try to see if I missed any red flags.

Now to some this may seem like insanity and I guess it is a little crazy but this is how I operate. I have always been this way. I hone in on people’s personalities because I figure if I can know their every mood then I can predict their wills and desires before it’s even said. I know this is possible but it’s something that takes time and a lot of quality time together, but I’m in impatient and essentially try to fit in 5 years worth of knowledge in 5 weeks. I never do learn. I do view this as a weakness and knowing my own weaknesses and anxieties does help me from messing with my life. I can prevent myself from doing stupid things by recognizing when I’m overthinking something. My rule is if I want to ask a “risky” question (one that may change my dynamic with someone) then I wait three days to ask it. If after three days it’s still on my mind and I haven’t a clue what the answer is then I ask it, but if I’m not thinking about the question well then it was just an anxiety and I saved myself possible grief.

I do admit that I have anxiety (especially relationship anxiety) and it’s just something I live with and try to cope with in the hopes that they will subside one day. Some of them have lessened over time so I know it’s working. But I digress. Now you know why I hate overcast hot days, time is warped and I get bored. Sounds simple enough but I’ve always learned that nothing is as it seems.

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