New Year, New Me (Probably not)

Cliche title! That’s my new year resolution, to become a cliche. Not really, it’s actually to give up on soda for a year and take better care of myself (mainly with beauty products).

So it’s a been a while since I’ve last made a post so here’s to the first post of 2015! I totally meant to write sooner (honest), but the motivation kinda went away. My best writing and ideas come at around 1-2 am when I’m sleep deprived. But I’m too lazy to write so there goes that hope. At this hour I am filled with so much emotion I can barely contain. My mind races and my stomach becomes a butterfly habitat. Writing is the only thing that makes me calm again. So since the beginning of school I’ve been writing every day (with the exception of breaks) and I think it’s why I sleep so well at night.

BUT before I go into anymore 2015 stuff, lets take a look back at 2014. The year started off with my first New Year’s Eve kiss which I’ve always wanted. I graduated high school, discovered a ton of awesome tracks, got into a very minor car accident (I tapped the bumper and there was ZERO damage done but the lady still complained and jacked up our insurance so that’s great), committed to the University of Oregon and ultimately attended in September. I made this little blog you are reading here and the staff posted a prompt that I had made about the 7 deadly sins (Still a highlight), I experienced what it truly felt like to miss someone, realized just how great private bathrooms are, signed the lease to my new apartment for next year, and before the year vowed I was going to make this year different.

This year is all about doing what makes me feel good, saying what needs to be said, and taking time out of my day to just listen to the words of songs. I’ve gone to the gym already (the school did a complete remodel and it is unbelievable), stayed true to my no soda policy, and I’ve started expressing how I really feel about subjects. OH and have an internship for an environmental magazine! So far so good (and okay). This term the teachers seem really nice and I’m confident I’ll do well. Trying to stay positive

But can I be real for a moment? Love is a battle. I thought I would be immune to it and thought I had the skills to make any situation better but I was wrong. No amount of fake fights, that I made up in my mind, could prepare me for the real battle. I’ve been watching too much Office and seeing Jim and Pam have problems scared me because it made me realize that life is not some TV show where the perfect characters never fight and are happy 24/7. Even people who are meant for each other can have their ups and downs. I feel a little defeated and just the fact there is nothing I can do from afar just really gets to me. I’m the controlling type, I like to make things work out so I don’t end up broken hearted anymore. However, when I thought I was helping I just ended up making things worse and I think I need a break. I just need to not say anything for a while and wait for time to fix my mess like it always does. I’m just mad at myself. I don’t know…it’s out of my hands at this point and I’m not going to make the moves anymore and just sit back. Sit back and just breath and learn to be easy again. So I may do some yoga and soul searching, hopefully I come out better.

Peace

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