Do you ever feel like you just have to take a break from your life? Get away from your thoughts just for one day so you can feel bliss and peace again?
This feeling hasn’t lasted long, in fact I woke up feeling like this, but I feel I’m off my timeline. Usually I live my day just going with the flow, doing things without thinking of them but today I feel my time stream is off. I feel I’m on unstable ground and I’ve lost my path.
I want to escape but I don’t know where I’ll go or how far I’ll make it. What I really want is an escape from myself. I don’t want my mind and thoughts and memories right now, I want to be someone else. It’s not like I feel like myself right now anyway…
I know I could go for a walk but that won’t solve anything. I’ll still be awake at night my thoughts and ideas and fears. I think fear is what is causing this feeling inside of me. I feel like I need to run away and I only run away from things I don’t want to deal with. I have this bad habit of knowing what’s wrong with me but I fight it hoping that it will change. I walk away from things hoping they will be different when I get back. That’s the definition of insanity: Doing the same thing over and over thinking the results will change.
I haven’t cried in months. Like really cry about myself and just let it out. I don’t think I can. I don’t know how. I don’t know anymore. I just want to fall off the face of the earth for a day and wake up in my own bed. fuck.